Don't mean to be critical with this one, but many of the "I's" are not capitalized...and the writing seems kind of rough. And, in your shoes..I think I'd be a little more--let's say--subtle about such things as the woman's breasts(and I doubt she'd be that frank at the first meeting). AND, there is a VERY long "run-on sentence" toward the end. ; )
Don't mean to be critical with this one, but many of the "I's" are not capitalized...and the writing seems kind of rough. And, in your shoes..I think I'd be a little more--let's say--subtle about such things as the woman's breasts(and I doubt she'd be that frank at the first meeting). AND, there is a VERY long "run-on sentence" toward the end. ; )
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